Complete and Whole
by Tourmaline20
Summary: Emma and Henry come back to Storybrooke after Killian finds them in New York. Emma talks to her family about something that happened to her in the missing year, and comes to realize that even though being back in Storybrooke means being the savior, it's not as bad as being alone. Rating mostly to be safe.


Complete and whole

a/u to the second part of season 3. Emma and Henry have just come back to Storybrooke, and there's something that happened in the missing year Emma needs to tell everyone about. Not a baby fic.

Emma sat at the desk in their small room at Granny's watching Henry play on his gameboy. Henry had a confused look on his face, and Emma was fairly center she knew what was causing it. They were back in Storybrooke and everyone in town remembered the two of them, but Henry didn't remember any of it. Henry had always been perceptive (it's why he'd realized the truth about the town in the first place) and Emma could sense that he was already beginning to suspect something.

Henry put down his gameboy and looked at Emma, "Mom?"

Emma turned to him and he said, "There's more to all of this than your telling me isn't there?"

Emma took a deep breath, she had expected this, but hadn't expected it so soon. Emma asked, "More of what?"

Henry gestured to the room, "This, everything, coming here, these people, this town. It all seems to be more than what you said, I know this sounds weird, but this place seems really familiar to me. I know we've never been here before, but I feel like I know exactly where I'm going and right where everything is, I just seem to _know_ this town. Being here." Henry paused, "it's like coming back home after being away on vacation, everything seems familiar, but at the same time it isn't."

Emma sighed, she had known bringing Henry here would be risky, but she didn't realize how strong his connection to the town and everyone in it was. She hadn't guessed that being here would weaken Henry's fake memories, she supposed she should have. Henry had deduced the truth of the first curse when he was 8, and he was the truest believer, and he was _her_ son. Henry had a lot of the same instincts and gut feelings as Emma, so it wasn't too surprising he was getting it, she just wished it wasn't happening so quickly.

Emma sighed heavily, "You're right Kid. There is more to this than I told you before." Emma knew she couldn't tell Henry everything so she settled on a portion of the truth, "David, Mary Margret, and I are very close. Much closer than I told you at first, I've never mentioned them to you before because." Emma paused searching for a plausible explanation, "Because, moving to New York was such a big thing, and everything that happened this last year was so intense, that I'd basically forgotten all about them. However, they didn't forget me. There's been some bad stuff happening in this town Kid, someone around here is causing trouble and people have gone missing."

Henry jerked his head up in shock as Emma nodded, "Yeah, it's bad, and that's why I want you to be careful. You don't go anywhere alone o.k.?"

Henry took a deep breath, "O.k."

Emma let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding, "Alright, thanks for that. Now, when the trouble around here started Mary Margaret and David couldn't get a hold of me, so they sent Killian to find me, and now we're here and I'm going to everything I can to help the people in this town and stop whoever is causing all these problems."

Henry reached out and squeezed her arm, "Don't worry Mom, you can stop whoever is behind all of this _I know you can_." The confidence in voice made Emma feel a little bit better about the current unknown crisis they were facing, but also made her nervous. Henry knew she worked in a dangerous job with dangerous people, but he had no idea how different this situation was from the type she had been handling in New York. Yes, Emma had dealt with curses and villain before, but it was still hard, and it scared the crap out of her to think that whoever was behind this was powerful enough to go head to head with Regina without getting burnt to a crisp. Emma was scared that something might happen to Henry and that's why she wanted him to be safe.

Emma reached out and cupped his cheek, "Thanks Kid, but there's something else that's come up as well."

Henry titled his head curiously as Emma continued, "Like I said, Mary Margaret, David, and I kind of fell out of touch last year and they don't know what happened to me while we were in New York."

Henry's eyes widened as he realized what Emma was talking about, Henry asked, "So you're going to tell them?"

Emma bit her lip and nodded, "Yeah, I am they need to know."

Henry's eyes turned sad and he suddenly looked much older than 12, the one thing Emma hated about their time in New York was how hard her problem had been on Henry. Emma remembered how her experience had affected him, and how scared she had been that she wouldn't be able to take care of him if worse came to worse. Henry asked shakily, "Do you want me to be there with you when you do tell them?"

Emma stood up and pulled Henry into a hug, "You are the most amazing person in the world you know that? There are so many people who couldn't deal with the idea of talking about something like this, much less supporting someone when they have to." Emma kissed the top of his head, "Thank you for that Henry it means more to me than I can ever say, but this is something I kind of need to tell them on my own. Would you be o.k. staying here with Ruby while I do?"

Emma looked back into Henry's eyes and saw the concern etched in them. Emma knew Henry wasn't mad for saying she didn't want him to come with, instead he was worried about her and how she would handle talking about the subject alone. Henry truly was an amazing young man, Henry reached out and pulled Emma into another hug as he said, "Yeah Mom, I'll be o.k., and if you need anything just say the word."

Emma kissed his head, "Thank you Henry, you are incredible."

Twenty minutes later Emma was standing in the kitchen/living room of her parents loft with Snow, David, Regina, and Killian all standing around her. Emma had been uncertain about including Killian in all of this, but somehow she had been unable to leave him out of it. Killian could be a pain sometimes, but he had done a lot to help all of them, he'd found Emma and Henry in New York and helped bring them here to save her parents. Killian had helped Emma save Henry, and (whether Emma was willing to consciously admit it or not) the two of them understood each other in way that Emma didn't really have with anyone else, and Emma had a feeling she was going to need that today.

Emma stood nervously in the kitchen, keeping a distance from everyone as she said, "o.k., so I asked you all to come here because there's something I need to tell you."

Regina quipped, "we probably could have guessed that on our own."

Emma gave her an irritated look, "Regina, please. This is not easy for me to talk about, and I don't need it to be any harder."

Regina gave Emma a curious nod, but said, "Alright, I'm sorry."

Emma took a deep breath and closed her eyes, "So, what I have to tell you has nothing to do with the curse or anything in this town. It's about what happened while Henry and I were in New York."

Emma looked over at her parents and saw them studying her closely, she knew they were trying to figure out what had happened and how bad it had been. Emma could also tell they were worried about her and wanted to comfort her or question her, but for once they were holding themselves back. Emma was grateful for that, standing her right now she felt like she was about to jump out of her skin. Talking about this was just as bad as talking about her time in the system, and the last thing she needed was added hovering to make it worse.

Emma steadied herself as she swallowed thickly before continuing, "You all know that Regina's spell made Henry and I forget everything. We both thought we had been living in Boston before a fire destroyed everything and then we moved to New York. A few weeks after we moved into our apartment I was taking a long shower one weekend and."

Emma paused as she steadied herself on the kitchen island before forcing out the word, "And I found a lump."

Snow and David both gasped in fear as Regina's eyes widened, Killian just sat at the table looking confused, "A lump?" he asked.

David stuttered out in a voice of pure terror, "Back in the enchanted forest we would call it a growth."

Killian's eyes widened in fear, it was the first time since Emma had met him that he looked truly terrified. Killian stuttered, _stuttered_ , "but the medics in this realm, they can do things that medics back in the enchanted forest can't. They can fix things that are fatal back home."

Regina said, "That's true, but when it comes to things like that, the doctors can't always heal it."

Emma nodded, "I went to the doctor and got a full examination. He gave me a mammogram and then he told me the one thing I never wanted to hear, the one thing no one ever wants to hear. I had cancer."

Snow's eyes widened as her face dropped, "Oh Emma."

Killian looked confused, but David explained again, "It's what we call the wasting sickness back home."

Killian now looked utterly terrified as Emma went on, "the good news about the whole thing was that I caught it early. The tumor."

David held a hand in front of his mouth as his eyes glistened with tears at the word. Snow shook her head and mouthed the word 'tumor' over and over again. Emma said, "The tumor hadn't been able to spread, anywhere. The doctors told me I'd have to go through Chemo, but that wouldn't be enough."

Emma could feel the tears trickling along her cheeks, she didn't know when she'd started crying, and when she spoke again her voice broke, "in order to stop the Cancer, and save my life the doctors had to perform a mastectomy on my left breast."

Snow instantly stood up and pulled Emma into a hug, "Oh Emma, I am so sorry."

David came up behind them and wrapped his arms around both of them. Regina's had a sad, horrified look on her face, "Emma, I know you and I haven't always gotten along, but I am truly sorry. No one should have to go through something like that."

Killian sat there still looking horrified, he licked his lips nervously and asked, "What exactly does that mean?"

Regina turned to Killian, gave him a look that was completely void of hostility. Regina's face had softened, to one of sympathy (an expression that was still new to her) and then she spoke in a softer gentle tone (the kind she usually only used with Henry) as she said, "it's a medical procedure here in this realm, where a doctor will surgically remove a woman's breast in order to remove Cancer."

Killian's eyes widened in shock and horror as the understanding set in. Killian jumped to his feet and said, "Emma, I am so sorry that happened to you, and that you had to go through it all with only Henry as a comfort to you."

Emma nodded from the safety of her parents' arms as she went on, "I went through two rounds of Chemo therapy, and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be from the movies and everything I'd seen before. I was weaker and more tired than I had been before the treatment, and I got some bone pain as well, but my hair didn't fall out, and I didn't get so sick that I was unable to really function. After the treatment the doctor assured me they got it all, I still have to go in for regular screenings, and I've already made an appointment with Whale about that. The hardest part of the whole thing was watching Henry having to go through it with me."

Emma's voice choked again as she said, "I could tell that he was scared and so was I, I was scared that something was going to happen and then he would be alone. With no one to take care of him, so I talked to a friend of mine from the police force and he and his wife agreed that if the worst came of it they would take Henry in for me. It helped to know that he wouldn't be in the system, but I was terrified of leaving Henry alone, having to cope with all of that by himself. Like I already said, the doctor told me they got all of the Cancer, and all of my screenings since have been negative. I've been Cancer free for the last three months, and that's good, but I knew I needed to tell all of you about this because it could come back, and if it does Henry will need all the support he can get and so will I. And if something happens, I know Henry will be taken care of. I know all of you will be there for him." Emma looked at Regina, her parents, and even Killian in return as she continued, "but that's not the only reason I told you all about this. Cancer can run in families and Mom is pregnant, and someday Henry will have kids of his own. I know it'll be a while before he does, but we all know he will, and that's something you all need to know about."

Snow finally spoke, "Emma, no matter what happens, you will _never_ have to go through something like that again. Even if the Cancer." Snow choked on the word as David held them both closer to him, as though by hugging Emma he could shield her from every evil the world might carry. When Snow spoke again her voice was shaky, but still firm, "If the Cancer comes back, it won't be the same. Because you will have all of us there with you through it all. It won't just be you and Henry, we will all be with you, and remember Emma, magic is available to you here so there's a chance that we could find a magical way to heal you."

Regina spoke up, "Actually there is."

Everyone turned to her and Regina explained, "There's a spell I can cast to ensure the Cancer is permanently gone, and if it isn't, I can remove it."

Emma felt her heart leap at this, without pausing for a moment she said, "Do it."

Regina said, "You'll have to move back, it won't work if your parents are holding you like that." Emma nodded as Snow and Charming let her go, she stepped back as Regina walked over and ran her hand around the top of Emma's head, a moment later a soft glow of light blue magic surrounded Emma and Regina looked her in the eyes, "It's gone."

Emma felt like her legs were going to give out as relief flooded through her. Emma felt like some enormous weight had been lifted off of her. As her parents ran over and pulled her back into their arms. Emma then did something she had never done before, she leaned into her parents and let them support her as she stood there. At the same time Killian walked over and gently ran his hand through Emma's hair, needing the connection to her, needing to feel her still there. Emma said, "Thank you."

When David spoke his voice sounded ragged and breathless, as though he'd just run a mile ad top pace, "Emma, you are going to be o.k., you are so strong, and such an amazing person. We will help you get through everything that you're still dealing with. We will be there for you and Henry no matter what. You're going to be fine Emma, I know you will."

Emma pulled back from her parents and nodded, then she started pacing back and forth as Killian said, "Emma, I don't understand all of this, but I am truly grateful that the medics were able to help you. I know it must have been hard to suffer through that and have no one but Henry by your side, but you don't have to be alone like that ever again."

Emma gave them a very weak smile, "You know a lot of my doctors said similar things to me, but it feels good to hear it all from you, and it helps to know that it's not just me and Henry in this." Emma shook her head, "but it's not just all of that. Even knowing the Cancer is completely gone." Emma pulled away from her parents and turned her back to them as she continued, "Having that burden taken away means more than I can say, and knowing I'm going to be fine is an incredible gift, but it doesn't changed the fact that all of that still happened. I still lost." Emma swallowed hard, "a part of myself, and I can never get that back. I will never be the person I was before because I'll always have something missing."

Regina, Snow, and David all looked at Emma with saddened eyes, none of them knew what to say, but as they stood there starring Killian strode towards Emma and said, "That's true Swan, you have lost a part of yourself, an important part, and you will never be the same as before, but that doesn't mean you can't be something better."

Emma looked up as Killian continued moving towards her, "having to lose a limb or some other part of yourself is never easy, but even without that you can still be a complete person. You can still be _whole_. It's all a matter of how you see yourself. If you accept yourself as who you are, and refuse to allow this to ruin you than nothing else matters. You need to be able to look at yourself and say 'there's nothing wrong with me' and understand that despite the loss you can still be you." A Killian closed the distance between the two of then he did something truly shocking. Killian shrugged off his long leather coat and let it fall to the floor, then he used his right hand to grasp his brace and pushed against it, as he did the all heard a series of soft clicks. Everyone gasped as they realized what Killian was doing, none of them, had ever seen him willing take his brace off. The only time he'd been without it was after he'd gotten hit by a car, and even then it wasn't Killian's idea to take it off. Killian twisted the brace and then gave a hard tug as he pulled it off, placing the entire apparatus on the coffee table (with his hook still attached).

Everyone starred as Killian rolled up his sleeve and held up the stump of his bad arm to Emma. Emma just gaped as she looked at it, the stump was paler than the rest of Killian's skin, there was one long scar going around from where his hand had been severed, and several smaller ones surrounding it, that looked like burns. Emma realized that burns meant Killian's arm had been cauterized when his hand had first been severed. Emma felt her stomach sink as she imagined the pain he must have been in when that was done. Emma continued to stare and noticed that aside from the scaring the rest of the skin was smooth, and unblemished.

Killian looked at Emma and let all his defenses and walls down. Looking at him right now Emma saw no bravado, and no cocky attitude, just pure honesty. Killian took a breath and said, "I know it's not the same, but it was still a hard loss. After my hand was severed I wasn't sure how I'd get by. It took me a long time to learn to adapt to using my hook, but I did. Still, it wasn't easy. Living like this, and having everyone know about it. You know Swan."

Killian's deep voice got huskier as he said, "I've never told anyone this, but after I got out of Neverland, the first few times I was with a woman, I took my hook off, but I left my brace on because I didn't want them to look at me and treat me like a freak because of it. A part of me wanted to keep this." He held his stump out to her and Emma felt her heart squeeze in her chest at the sight, she knew that Killian loved her, knew that he had changed so much to try to be the type of man who could be worthy of her, but this, this was something so much more. Killian continued, "I wanted to keep it hidden because I was ashamed, and because like you I thought it made me less of a person because my hand is gone. Then one day I realized something, it doesn't make me less of anything, in fact in a way it makes me more of something."

Emma looked curiously as he explained, "Most people are fortunate enough to never have to suffer a loss like this, but I have known a few others who have, and I've seen things like losing a limb destroy a person. Some people end up being completely broken by suffering an injury like this, and others spend the rest of their lives pushing people away out of either anger or fear, but having something like this doesn't make us less of anything. Suffering an injury or having a part of yourself taken, doesn't make you less of a person. It makes you more of one, because you find a way to keep going and to live, and to go one even without it. You make yourself into a new person because you refuse, _you refuse_ to let something like this beat you, to let it destroy you. You wake up and you say, 'this is me, this is who _I am_ , it doesn't make me any better or any worse than anyone else, it just proves that I've been through something most others have not'. Going through something like that is nothing to be ashamed of; if anything it's a mark of courage because you survived something that a lot of others couldn't." Killian ran his good hand through Emma's hair as he continued, speaking in a firm voice that was still tense with emotion, "There is nothing for you to be ashamed about. Emma love, you are perfect, and complete, and whole just as you are, and I know that because I can see it in you, just as I can feel it in myself. "

Killian's eyes softened, "Look at me Emma, do you think this." He nodded to the stump, "makes me less of a person? Less of a man? Less of a sailor, or a fighter? Less worthy of being captain of a ship than I was before?"

Emma raised her right hand tentatively, she wasn't sure if this was something she should be doing (especially with Regina and her parents watching) it seemed so incredibly intimate, but at the same time she felt compelled to do it. Killian's eyes softened, "Go on touch it."Emma gently rubbed her hand against the place where Killian's wrist had been severed, the skin was rough from scar tissue, and few places where his brace had rubbed him, but it was also smooth, and warm, and somehow it just felt right.

Killian looked into her eyes, "Do you think I am incomplete?"

Emma looked back at him and shook her head as the tears fell again, "No Killian I don't. I think you are, a whole person just like this."

Killian said, "and I think you are a whole person as well Emma. Accepting the loss of part of your body is never easy, but you need to remember that it doesn't have to be the end of you. As long as you can accept yourself for who you are now, and as long as you refuse to let others mistreat you because of it, that is what matters. That inner strength that we have all seen in you time and time again is what will let you come to embrace this, to embrace everything that you are, and once you do they'll be no stopping you. That's what I realized, that's what I came to see, and when I finally understood that, I stopped leaving my brace on all the time. This is a part of me, it's not the prettiest part, but it's still me, and as long as I can come to terms with that, nothing else matters. You are still you, you will always be you no matter what. You're still be brave, and smart, and lovely, and strong, and you are still be Henry's mother, and as long as you can accept that, than you can be whole just as you are."

For the first time, Emma felt herself truly melt at Killian's words, the two of them had had something going in Neverland. In fact more than once Emma had to fight the urge to push Killian up against a tree and kiss him senseless, but this was so much more than just passion or attraction. This was a deep connection, and this was real, and honest, and raw. This was two people bearing parts of their souls to each other and revealing some of their deepest pains, and it meant more to Emma than she could possibly say that Killian was doing this for her.

Emma squeezed Killian's stump and reached around with her other arm as she pulled Killian into a fierce kiss (not caring in the slightest that Regina and her parents were standing there watching the whole thing) Killian returned the kiss eagerly. Unlike previous kissed this one wasn't hungry, or fully of fire, it was a sense of comfort and peace, it was something to share and to use to heal those broken parts of one another. When they pulled apart Emma rested her head on his chest as Killian wrapped his good arm around her and held her close.

Being in his arms gave Emma a sense of safety and peace that she hadn't felt since before she could even really remember, "Thank you." Emma breathed out.

Killian bent down and kissed the top of her head, "My pleasure."

The two of them maneuvered themselves carefully over to the couch and sat down, Emma continued to lean against Killian as she stroked the stump of his bad arm. Killian for his part sat there with his good arm wrapped protectively around her without any trace of discomfort or shame. Emma leaned her head against Killian's shoulder and he kissed the top of it (both of them continuing to ignore the fact that they had an audience). Emma gave a small smile, "This is nice." She said quietly.

Killian said, "it is indeed." As they sat there like that Emma felt eternally grateful that she had decided to ask Killian to be there for her big announcement, because she knew that this sense of safety, and security wouldn't have come without him there.

Emma knew that by bearing his own wounds Killian had also set her on the path to her own healing, and that meant more to her than she could ever say. As they sat there Emma thought that maybe it was about time she gave the pirate an honest shot at something more between the two of them, because even if she could dismiss all the other things he'd done for her before now, this moment most definitely proved that he deserved the opportunity to show her what they could be together. They sat there on the couch as Emma's parents came over and put their hands on her shoulders, as they did Emma knew that this moment, right here, with these people, was her home, and as long as she had that she would be alright.

a/n, This story was inspired by Cindy and her courageous journey. What do you think? Might expand this at some point. For now reviews are welcome.


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